Summer Zucchini Pasta

Another non-recipe recipe. Few instructions and open to your interpretation. As someone who likes rules and instructions, I would personally be annoyed by this. Hope that’s not the case for you thoooooough!

Ingredients

• 3 tbsp olive oil

• 2 large zucchini, sliced in half length wise, then cut into 1/3” slices

• 1 large leek, cleaned (they’re sandy lil guys!), pale green and white part only, sliced lengthwise, then cut into 1/3” slices

• A couple large handfuls of spinach

• 1 lemon

• 1 lb pasta, I used rigatoni – the large holes and ridges catch all the goodness

• Kosher salt

• Parsely

• Grated sharp white cheddar cheese, (as much as you want!)

What to Do

1. Add olive oil to a large pan (higher sides help), set over medium high heat.

2. Once glistening, add leeks and a pinch of salt. Turn heat down to medium. Mix and cook until the leeks soften. 5-10 minutes. I said this was a non-recipe recipe.

3. Add zucchini, another pinch of salt, and mix and cook until the leeks and zucchini are suuuper soft. They’ll lose their beautiful green for a less inspiring beigey tone, but very delicious! This may be anywhere from 15-20 minutes (-ISH).

4. Meanwhile, cook your pasta in heavily salted water. Reserve a 1/2 cup of pasta water then drain pasta once it’s very al dente.

5. Add lemon zest and spinach to zucchini/leek pan and cook until spinach is wilted.

6. Add drained pasta to zucchini/leek/spinach pan. Stir and add in reserved pasta water. Mix, mix, mix.

7. Turn the heat off and add lemon juice and parsley. You can add cheese now or garnish at the end or both. Keep on mixin until it looks well combined. Taste for salt.

8. Top servings with cheese and enjoy!

Cold Noodle Lettuce Cups

Less of a recipe, and more like emotional support in the creation of lettuce cups. I have so much faith in you.

What to Do

1. Buy a head of butter lettuce and I guess the other ingredients I list below.
2. Prepare some rice vermicelli according to package directions. Drizzle with some sesame oil and lightly season with salt.
3. Sauté some vegan ground meat with veg oil, scallions, salt, black pepper. Let it get crispy in parts.
4. Thinly slice some carrots. Chop some cilantro.
5. Take a big, beautiful leaf of butter lettuce. Fill with noodles, meat, carrots, and top with cilantro.
6. Dip into a mix of soy sauce and white vinegar. Squeeze of lime.
7. Repeat 700 times.

Vegan Copycat In-N-Out Animal Style Fries

Ingredients

• 2ish pounds fries (I make my own oven fries using Smitten Kitchen’s amazing recipe. Alternatively you can buy frozen!)

• 2 yellow onions, sliced into 1/4” width

• 3 tbsp olive oil

• 1/2 cup vegan mayo

• 3 tbsp ketchup

• 1.5 tsp distilled white vinegar

• 1.5 tsp sugar

• Pinch of kosher salt

• 1 cup shredded vegan cheddar cheese

• 1/4 cup sliced pepperoncini

• Flaky salt

What to Do ⁣

1. Set a large pan over medium heat with olive oil and add sliced onions. Cook and stir every 5ish minutes until deep golden brown in color. About 30 minutes. Cool and chop. ⁣
2. Prep In-N-Out “spread” copycat sauce from Kenji Lopez-Alt. Add mayo, ketchup, pickle relish, vinegar, sugar, and salt to a bowl and mix. And taste! Pretty dead on.
3. Prep your fries! Pull straight from oven as soon as they’re done cooking (with either recipe). Sprinkle vegan cheese all over the whole sheet tray. Cover with another sheet tray and pop back in the oven for 3 minutes to melt.⁣
4. Pulled them out and cover in caramelized onions, spread, then pepperoncini. Finish with flaky salt!

Quinoa Crispies

Ingredients

• 4 ish cups cooked quinoa

• 4 tbsp olive oil

• Salt and pepper

• Nutritional yeast

What to Do

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. You could do the following in a separate bowl, but I... can’t be bothered.

2. Spread cooked quinoa onto a baking sheet. Add olive oil and a laaaarge pinch of salt and a few big turns of fresh cracker pepper.

3. Toss well to coat and use hands to spread in a very thin layer on the baking sheet.

4. Bake in 10 minute increments, tossing to ensure even browning. Cook until deep golden brown and crispy!

5. Remove from oven and generously sprinkle with nutritional yeast.

6. Toss to coat and taste for additional salt.

Butternut Squash Quinoa Tots

Ingredients

• 1 cup cooked quinoa

• 1 very large handful of spinach, chopped

• 2 cups cooked butternut squash or sweet potato

• 2 eggs

• 2 tbsp cheddar cheese

• 1/2 tsp garlic powder

• 1/2 tsp turmeric

• Salt to taste

• Sprinkle of flour as needed

What to Do

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease two baking sheets with olive oil or nonstick spray.

2. In a large bowl, mix quinoa, spinach, and butternut squash together, smashing with your hands to combine.

3. Add eggs, cheese, garlic powder, turmeric, and salt to taste. Combine with your hands!

4. The consistency will be pretty wet, so add a couple five finger pinches of flour and mix until you can easily mold a ping pong size amount of batter into a 2 inch-ish tot. If it's really sticky and you're struggling to mold, add more flour! Just add in slow increments to avoid making the batter super dry.

5. Place tots at least an inch apart on the baking sheet (not too close or they'll steam each other). Bake for 10-12 minutes, until you can flip them with little resistance, getting the other side a chance to crisp. Bake for another 10.

6. Cool a bit before dipping in any sauce of your choosing.

Caramelized Onion White Bean Dip

Ingredients

• 4 tbsp. olive oil, divided

• 1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced

• 1 15 oz. can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

• 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced

• Kosher salt

• Pepper

• Juice of 1 lemon

• Couple sprigs of dill for garnish

What to Do

1. In a large pan, heat 2 tbsp. olive oil over medium heat.

2. Add onion and stir to evenly distribute around the pan, cook and stir until they start to become translucent.

3. Turn heat down to medium low, and stir every couple of minutes to encourage even cooking and browning.

4. Stir and cook and stir and cook until desired amber color! Around 30 minutes was my sweet spot. I could have gone longer for deeeep caramelized onions, but frankly did not have the time. Transfer onions to a plate and wipe pan clean.

5. Add remaining olive oil to pan and heat over medium heat.

6. Add garlic and cook until they start to take on some color. 2-3ish minutes.

7. Add beans! Mix and season with salt and pepper. Turn down to medium low.

8. Cook and stir occasionally until things start to juuuust start to thicken up, around 10 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool until they're no longer piping hot.

9. In a blender, add beans and lemon juice. Blend until desired consistency. Scoop out into a bowl.

10. Roughly chop caramelized onions and add to bowl o' beans. Stir and season to taste. Garnish with a splash of good olive oil, dill, flaky salt, and more cracked pepper!

Best Bucatini with Simplest Tomato Sauce

Recipe inspired by Bon Appétit
Serves: 4 people who aren’t afraid of carbs

Ingredients

• 16 oz. bucatini

• Kosher salt

• 1 28-oz. can whole peeled or diced or crushed tomatoes

• 3 garlic cloves, smashed

• 5 tablespoons olive oil

• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter

• Parmesan, for serving
  *lots of pasta recipes call for 12 oz. of noodles, this one doesn’t because I don’t like super saucy pasta. If you do, use only 12 oz.

What to Do

1. Fill a large stock pot with water and add salt until the water tastes salty! Like a handful of salt or more. Set to boil on high.

2. Meanwhile, add tomatoes, olive oil, garlic, and five-finger pinch of salt to a heavy bottom pot. If using whole tomatoes, crush and break apart into bite sized pieces (they’ll cook down, so don’t worry about getting uniform sizes).

3. Bring to a boil then reduce to medium, and cook for 20ish minutes, stirring every couple minutes until sauce is reduced by about a third. When sauce is done, set to low.

4. Once pasta is just about al dente (somewhere around 2-3 minutes short of package cooking suggestions), reserve 1/2 cup of pasta water before draining.

5. Add pasta to sauce pot, set to medium low, and toss, toss, toss with tongs, coating all pasta in the sauce. Add water in increments to bring it all together.

6. Add butter and keep tossing until everything is looking luxurious and fully incorporated. Taste for any needed salt. Don’t forget you’re serving with Parm.

7. Serve with freshly shaved Parmesan. Enjoy!

Udon Stir Fry

Serves: 8 (We're a big family these days. Halve the recipe for more standard portions! Or don't and have real great leftovers.)

Sauce Ingredients*

• 5 tbsp dark soy sauce

• 6 tbsp vegetarian oyster sauce

• 3 tbsp mirin

• 2 tbsp teaspoons brown sugar

• 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar

  *this recipe makes a little bit extra sauce, use it all for super saucy noodles or reserve some so people can add more if they’d like at the table

Stir Fry Ingredients

• 3 packets udon noodles

• ½ lb white or brown mushrooms (one of those small cartons), thickly sliced

• 1/3 head green cabbage, thinly sliced

• 6 bok choy, chopped into thirds, crosswise

• 1 small white onion, sliced

• 6 scallions, chopped into pretty diagonal slices, for serving

• 1 lb. baked tofu, sliced into 1/4" slices (alternatively, you can buy uncooked extra firm tofu, slice it, and bake it at 400 degrees for 20 minutes)

• 2 tbsp vegetable oil

What to Do

1. Prepare udon noodles according to package directions. In my experience, the less time in the water, the better. So I usually dunk in boiling water for no more than a minute, rinse under the tap, and add a bit of vegetable oil to prevent them from sticking.

2. Let a large nonstick skillet get hot over medium high heat (the bigger the better! If you have a wok, you are golden). Once hot, add mushrooms, bokchoy, and cabbage and cook until slightly softened. (No oil just yet! This allows the vegetables to char up a bit without releasing a bunch of water. Cooked veggies without the mush!) Place vegetables into a heat proof bowl and set aside.

3. In the same skillet, add vegetable oil. Once hot, add onion and tofu. Cook until onions juuuust begin to soften. About 8-10 minutes.

4. Add noodles and vegetables back to the skillet. Mix to combine.

5. Once well-combined, add sauce in large spoonfuls at a time, until desired sauciness. Taste as you go!

6. Toss, toss, toss.

7. Turn off heat and mix in scallions, reserving a five finger pinch for garnish. Plate up, garnish with reserve scallion. Eat!
   
   

Broccoli Tots

Makes about 40 tots

INGREDIENTS

• 3 large heads broccoli⁣

• 1 cup vegan egg replacer (we used and love Just brand; use 3-4 reg. eggs for non-vegan version)⁣

• 1 heaping cup bread crumbs⁣

• 3/4 cup vegan parmesan⁣

• 1 tsp. garlic⁣

• Salt and pepper to taste⁣

⁣WHAT TO DO

1. Preheat oven to 400, with two racks on upper thirds of oven. Set a large pot of salted water on the stove to boil on high. Meanwhile, chop broccoli into large florets.⁣

2. When at a rolling boil, add broccoli and cook for 3 minutes. ⁣

3. Drain broccoli and rinse with cold water to seize the cooking. ⁣

4. In large handfuls, squeeze broccoli to draw out as much water as possible.⁣

5. Mince squeezed broccoli. Pea-sized and smaller is an ideal size! Add to a large mixing bowl.⁣

6. Add vegan egg, stirring to combine. Then add breadcrumbs, parm, and spices. Mix well. Mixture should stick when squeezed together in your palm. ⁣

7. Scoop a ping pong ball size of mixture and form into a ball, tot shape, or oval (whatever really floats your boat) and place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Place tots about 2 inches apart on sheet (too close and they'll steam each other instead of crisp up!)⁣

8. Bake for 10, then flip, and then bake for 7 more minutes. ⁣

9. Remove from oven and serve it up with a lil vegan mayo/ketchup/hot sauce combo.

Crunchy Saffron Potatoes

Serves: 4
Inspired by Bon Appetit’s Burnished Potato Nuggets⁣

INGREDIENTS

• 5 lb. russet potatoes, peeled, cut into 2" pieces⁣

• Kosher salt⁣

• 1/4 teaspoon saffron threads, bloomed in 2 tbsp warm water⁣

• ½ cup extra-virgin olive oil⁣

• ¼ cup vegetable oil⁣

• 8 garlic cloves, lightly crushed⁣

• 2 long sprigs rosemary⁣

• Lemon and parsley to serve (optional)⁣

WHAT TO DO

1. Preheat oven to 425°. Place potatoes in a large pot and pour in water to cover by 2". Add 2 five-finger pinches of salt and bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat and simmer gently until potatoes are tender on the outside but still very firm in the center, 10ish minutes.⁣
⁣
2. Drain potatoes super well and let the pot sit on the stove for a few minutes so potatoes dry up a bit. Then jumble potatoes around the pot to rough them up until they get a starchy coating on the outside (this takes some effort, great arm workout). ⁣
⁣
3. Add saffron water to pot and shake potatoes around some more to coat. Season with salt. ⁣
⁣
4. Meanwhile, combine both oils in a large roasting pan and heat in oven for 5 minutes (careful removing, it can sputter).⁣
⁣
5. Remove pan from oven; add potatoes, coating each one in oil. Make sure they're in a single layer and spread out. Return pan to oven and roast potatoes, turning every 10 minutes, for 30 minutes. ⁣
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6. After 30 minutes, add and toss garlic and rosemary in the pan and cook until potatoes are deep golden brown, around 10 minutes (keep close watch). Using a slotted spoon, transfer potatoes, garlic, and rosemary to a plate and serve with a squeeze of lemon and sprinkle of parsley.

Farro Salad with Honeynut Squash and Miso Maple Vinaigrette

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Serves: 8

INGREDIENTS

FARRO SALAD

• 4 cups cooked farro⁣

• 2 honeynut squash, chopped and roasted with olive oil at 400 degrees until tender⁣

• 1 cup chopped parsley (not packed)⁣

• 1/8 cup minced shallot (let mine sit in a bowl with cold water for a few minutes to take the sting off)⁣

• 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds⁣

• 1/4 cup chopped roasted walnuts⁣, chopped

VINAIGRETTE
(Admittedly my original dressing turned out salty, so guessing the correct adjustments here. Don't sue me)⁣

• Juice of 1 lemon⁣

• 2 teaspoons mild miso⁣

• 1/4 cup olive oil ⁣

• 2 tablespoons maple syrup⁣

WHAT TO DO

1. Begin with dressing: whisk miso with just a splash of warm water until well dissolved. Add lemon juice and stir. Slowly stream olive oil in while whisking until dressing comes together. Mix in maple syrup. Taste and adjust. ⁣⁣

2. Mix ingredients in a large bowl with fresh cracked pepper. Mix in dressing. Taste and adjust!

Best Oven Fries

Serves: 4
Recipe from Smitten Kitchen

I N G R E D I E N T S

• 3 medium Russet potatoes, scrubbed

• 3 to 4 tablespoons olive oil

• Kosher salt

W H A T T O D O

1. Heat oven to 450°.

2. Slice potatoes into 3/4” spears.

3. Place in large pot and cover with an inch-ish of water; set to high and turn off after 10 minutes (keep watch, want them super al dente and not going mush).

4. Meanwhile, coat a large baking sheet with 2 to 3 tablespoons of olive oil and place it in the oven for a few minutes to get the oil real hot; remove.

5. Put drained potatoes on the hot pan, cover in 1 tbsp oil and sprinkle with salt; place back in oven for 20 minutes.

6. Remove and toss around for even browning; place back in for 5 minutes, repeating as necessary for desired crispiness and color.

7. Remove and season with more salt.

Whole Roasted Cauliflower with Walnuts and Herbs

I N G R E D I E N T S

• 1 medium head cauliflower

• 1/4 cup olive oil

• 2 bay leaves

• 1 teaspoon red chili flake

• 1 tablespoon butter

• 1/4 cup dry white wine (optional)

• kosher salt

• 1 cup vegan sour cream

• 1/2 cup finely chopped tender herb (parsley, cilantro, dill, or a combo), packed

• 2 lemons

• 1/4 cup roasted walnuts, chopped

• Flaky sea salt for serving

W H A T T O D O

1. Preheat oven to 400°.

2. Trim leaves and excess core if protruding from cauliflower. Add to a large stock pot.

3. To the stockpot, add olive oil, bay leaves, chili flake, butter, 2 five-finger pinches of salt, wine, and enough water to barely cover the cauliflower.

4. Set pot on high. Once boiling, reduce down to low, turning cauliflower about every 8-10 minutes until just tender, roughly 20 minutes.

5. Using large tongs, a pair of slotted spoons, or a combo of whatever kitchen utensils can do the job, remove cauliflower from water and place on a rimmed baking sheet.

6. Bake cauliflower until deeply golden all over, about 30 minutes. Remove from oven to cool slightly.

7. Meanwhile, mix sour cream with herbs and juice of 1 lemon. Season with salt.

8. When you’re ready to serve, place a large spoonful of sour cream mixture in the center of a platter. Use the back of your spoon to swoosh it around the plate. Place cauliflower on top of sour cream swoosh. Top with walnuts, squeeze of lemon juice, and flaky salt.

Mom's Vegetarian Phở

Serves: 4
Cook Time: 2 hours

I N G R E D I E N T S

• 2 quarts vegetable stock

• 1 large onion, halved and charred on stove top

• 1.5” piece of ginger, thinly sliced

• 5 pieces of rock sugar (or 1 tbsp. sugar)

• 1 lb. dry rice noodles, cooked and strained according to package directions

• 1 packet pho seasoning

• 8 oz. extra firm tofu, cubed and baked at 400 for 20 minutes until golden

• Bean sprouts, Thai basil, cilantro, sliced scallion, lime wedges, Sriracha to serve
  

W H A T T O D O

1. In a large stockpot, add vegetable stock, 2 quarts of water, onion halves, ginger, and sugar.

2. Bring pot to a boil over high heat.

3. Once boiling, add spice packet and tofu. Simmer for 2 hours (the longer, the better!)

4. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed.

5. When ready to serve, portion noodles into bowls, add hot broth to cover. Add bean sprouts, chopped cilantro and Thai basil, sliced scallion, and a healthy squeeze of lime

HOT FUDGE SUNDAE BIRTHDAY CAKE

Recipe was adapted from Molly Yeh, with an addition of espresso powder. Coffee enhances the flavor of chocolate. Woohoo!

H O T  F U D G E  S U N D A E  B I R T H D A Y  C A K E

Adapted from Molly Yeh

Yields: two 8" rounds or in my case, two tall 6" rounds

INGREDIENTS

• 1 ¾ cup sugar

• 1 ¾ cup all purpose flour

• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

• 1 ½ teaspoon kosher salt

• 1 ½ teaspoon baking powder

• 1 ½ teaspoon baking soda

• 1 tablespoon espresso powder

• 2 large eggs

• 1 cup buttermilk

• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

• ½ cup flavorless oil

• ¾ cup boiling water

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Grease and line the bottoms of two 8" cake pans with parchment paper (I did two tall 6" cake pans).

2. In the bowl of stand mixer, whisk together the sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and espresso powder. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, buttermilk, vanilla, and oil. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix on low to combine. Whisk in the boiling water.

3. Pour the batter into the cake pans and bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Begin checking for doneness at 30 minutes; since I bake two tall six inch layers, it took about 45-50 minutes. Let cool in the pans for 20 minutes and then remove to a rack to cool completely.

B U T T E R C R E A M  F R O S T I N G

Recipe by Martha Stewart Living

INGREDIENTS

• 5 large egg whites

• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar

• Pinch of salt

• 1 pound unsalted butter, cut into tablespoons, room temperature

• 1 ½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Combine egg whites, sugar, and salt in the heatproof bowl of a standing mixer set over a pan of simmering water. Whisk constantly by hand until mixture is warm to the touch and sugar has dissolved (the mixture should feel completely smooth when rubbed between your fingertips).

2. Attach the bowl to the mixer fitted with the whisk attachment. Starting on low and gradually increasing to medium-high speed, whisk until stiff (but not dry) peaks form. Continue mixing until the mixture is fluffy and glossy, and completely cool (test by touching the bottom of the bowl), about 10 minutes.

3. With mixer on medium-low speed, add the butter a few tablespoons at a time, mixing well after each addition. Once all butter has been added, whisk in vanilla. Switch to the paddle attachment, and continue beating on low speed until all air bubbles are eliminated, about 2 minutes. Scrape down sides of bowl with a flexible spatula, and continue beating until the frosting is completely smooth. Keep buttercream at room temperature if using the same day. If not, transfer to an airtight container and refrigerate up to 3 days or freeze up to 1 month.

C A K E  A N D  F I L L I N G  A S S E M B L Y

INGREDIENTS

• roughly 1 cup packaged, processed, very bad for you hot fudge sauce

• multicoloured sprinkles

• Maraschino cherries; gently squeeze out loose water by pressing in between paper towels

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Slice cake into desired layers

2. With a piping bag filled with buttercream, pipe a ring around the first bottom layer of cake

3. Fill with slightly softened hot fudge (not too loose or else it will just gush out everywhere), about 3/4 the height of the buttercream ring.

4. Sprinkle with sprinkles!

5. Place second layer of cake on top; repeat

6. Spread a thin layer of buttercream on the top of the cake

7. Pipe a full walnut-sized dollop of buttercream on the edge of the cake and immediately place Maraschino cherry in center and a sprinkle of sprinkles; repeat evenly around cake

I didn't think a bunch of thirty-somethings day-drinking at a Brooklyn beer hall for a fellow thirty-something's birthday would give two fricks about birthday cake, but I was wrong. Happily wrong. I brought this lil' guy to our favorite local bar last weekend when we celebrated Rory's birthday, and people actually ate it! In between guzzling giant steins, the people ate it! Made me pretty giddy, like when your middle school crush gets randomly assigned as your science lab partner– it was all smiles, maybe some drool.

CAULIFLOWER MASH, ROSEMARY ROASTED ACORN SQUASH

I'm currently eating a bowl of peanut butter, tahini, and jelly.

I'm standing in my truth. 

I sprinkled it with Maldon salt to like, elevate it. 

I also made some cauliflower mash because I wanted something fall-feeling without eating an entire pumpkin pie. Also, the temperature dropped to below freezing, and I wanted to kill myself. Coming off the heels of yolo-living in Oaxaca for holiday, and some big-ass holiday eating (MY PRECIOUS) on the horizon, I figured trying cauliflower mash would check off the aforementioned needs while still being primarily a vegetable/easier on the conscience. 

Is subbing cauliflower for beautiful Yukon golds low-key annoying? Yes. Did it taste good? Also, yes. Did it taste like mashed potatoes? No. No it didn't. And it never will. But I will repeat the recipe all winter (very riffable with seasonings!) because it was good and great and #health.

C A U L I F L O W E R  M A S H

Adapted from The Kitchn

Yields: 4 normal servings; 2 Sogoal servings

INGREDIENTS

• 1 large head cauliflower

• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter (I’ve done it with 2 which tasted great ...obviously more butter tastes better, BUT JUST GIVING YOU THE OPTION)

• 2 cups water

• 1 teaspoon kosher salt

• 1 teaspoon black pepper

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Remove bottom center stem and finely chop the cauliflower. Cut ‘em small, and they’ll cook faster.

2. Melt the butter in a large pot over medium-high heat. Add the cauliflower and sauté, stirring regularly, until the cauliflower has come just barely translucent in parts, 6-8 minutes.

3. Add the water and salt and bring to a boil. Cover and cook until the cauliflower is tender, about 10 minutes.

4. Reserve 1/4 cup of the cooking liquid. Drain the cauliflower.

5. Place the drained cauliflower, black pepper, and reserved cooking liquid in food processor and blend until creamy, dreamy smooth. Eat. (I DID GRATE SOME PECORINO ROMANO WHICH WAS UNNECESSARY BUT GOOD.)

Acorn squash. Almost as autumnal as Starbuck's official PSL calendar countdown. I sliced it up crosswise, drizzled with olive oil, salt, pepper, and a few sprigs of fresh rosemary. In the oven at 400° F for about 30 minutes. Va bene!

ROASTED EGGPLANT WITH FETA AND TAHINI SAUCE

You know what rules? Making something that looks like it involved a lot of time and skill when in actuality it was easy peasy lemon squeezy with time to online shop and watch a rerun of New Girl, while getting supes deep into a Daquan 'gram hole. To my surprise, this roasted eggplant was just that. After reading up on how to avoid soggy-ass mush (soggy ass-mush?) when oven-roasting the particular nightshade, I gave it a run and decided to dress up "Middle Eastern."

Non-soggy-ass-mush roasted eggplant feat.:

-Tahini sauce: copped the recipe from master of Israeli cooking, chef Yotam Ottolenghi. Will be a staple in my household go forward.

-Pomegranates: holy shit just buy one, man/woman/gender non-binary up and do the work because IT. IS. WORTH. IT.).

-Pistachios: roasted them a bit with some olive oil and salt at 400 degrees. Burnt the first batch and was too lazy to roast another, so I mixed in some non-roasted. You can judge me. I can handle it.

-Feta: nothing compares to the feta in brine from the rather pungent but perfect Middle Eastern supermarket my family in San Diego still frequents. But the packaged brick from Trader Joe's worked just fine.

Will repeat. Will top with other random crap. Will entire eggplant in .32 seconds.

Just some emotionally supportive snacks during the cooking process.

T A H I N I  S A U C E

From Jerusalem, Yotam Ottolenghi

Yields: about 1/2 to 3/4 cup

INGREDIENTS

• ½ cup tahini

• ¼ water

• 1 tablespoon lemon juice

• ½ medium garlic clove, crushed

• Salt to taste

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl. Whisk until combined and smooth.

2. Salt to taste

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R O A S T E D  E G G P L A N T

Method from The Kitchn

Yields: 2ish servings

INGREDIENTS

• 1 large eggplant (about 1 1/2 pounds)

• 2 teaspoons kosher salt

• 3 tablespoons olive oil

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Slice the stem end off of the eggplant, then slice the eggplant lengthwise into 1-inch-thick steaks.

2. Lay the eggplant out on a wire rack set over a baking sheet. Sprinkle each side of the steaks with the salt and let the eggplant sit for 30 minutes. Arrange a rack in the middle of the oven and heat to 400°F.

3. Rinse the eggplant under cool water and then dry thoroughly. Pat dry with paper towels.

4. Transfer the eggplant to a baking sheet and spread out into a single layer. Brush olive oil onto both sides and edges of the steaks. Sprinkle a bit more salt.

5. Roast the eggplant for 20 minutes. Flip and roast until golden-brown and tender, 15 minutes more.

6. Plate with drizzled tahini sauce, crumbled feta, pomegranate arils, roasted pistachios, and a bit of chopped parsley.

UMAMI BROTH SOUP WITH CRISPY RICE & CARROT GINGER DRESSING

Early mornings are chilly. There are gourds at my bodega. I've eaten a three pound bag of candy corn. IT'S SOUP SEASON, PLAYBOYS. And I love it. As a vegetarian, making a soup that's savory and rich enough to satisfy both me and my animal-eating fiancé was trickier than I thought. I can't chug down gallons of trendy bone broth like every other #foodie in New York can, so I turned to a vegan alternative that's equally rich and satisfying. 

Warning: this is not a quick, throw-it-together in your undies while simultaneously online shopping and watching Jeopardy type of meal. Sorry, but as they say, good things take time (I usually don't advocate this because I have no patience, but this time, those people are right). 

Bon Appétit's recipe for Umami Broth was easy to make and packed a punch. It just took a little time to simmer to completion. I made it a few days before I made this full meal. Night-of, I put some of it into a pot, let it come to a boil, and added bok choy and thinly sliced carrots and cooked until carrots were fork tender. Finished it with some chopped scallions, chili flakes, and sliced jalapeno (because I couldn't find Thai chilis and you have to draw the line somewhere when it comes to grocery store visits for one meal).

Also made this carrot ginger dressing, which made a shit ton. I ate with pretty much everything the days following. It's a bit richer and tastes like a better version of the dressing sushi takeout gives you with your salad... "salad"....three strips of iceberg lettuce and a carrot shred. This soup night, we ate it with a side of boiled broccoli. 

CRISPY RICE. YOU TAKE OLD RICE. PUT IT IN A POT WITH A LIL' MILK, OLIVE OIL, AND BUTTER, AND LET IT CRISP UNTIL A HEAVENLY GOLD CRUST FORMS. THAT'S ALL I NEED TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

V E G A N  U M A M I  B R O T H  S O U P

Adapted from Bon Appétit

Yields: approximately 2 quarts

INGREDIENTS

• 3 tablespoons white miso
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 8 dried shiitake mushrooms
• 4 6x4-inch pieces kombu
• 2 medium onions, unpeeled, halved through root, very thinly sliced
• 2 medium carrots, unpeeled, very thinly sliced, divided
• 1 celery stalk, thinly sliced
• 1 head of garlic, halved crosswise
• 6 sprigs parsley
• 1 teaspoon black peppercorns (I subbed a shit ton of cracked black pepper because I didn’t have any. It seemed fine.)
• 2 heads baby bok choy, base root removed to separate leaves
• 1 jalapeño or Thai or fresno chili (jalapeño is inauthentic but it’s all I had okay?)
• 1 scallion, light green and white parts thinly sliced for garnishing

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Preheat oven to 300º.
2. Whisk miso, oil, and 2 Tbsp. water in a small bowl.
3. Crush mushrooms and kombu with your hands over a rimmed baking sheet. Add onions, carrot, celery, garlic, and parsley and toss to combine.
4. Drizzle miso mixture over vegetable mixture and toss to coat. Bake, tossing halfway through, until vegetables are slightly shriveled and mixture is fragrant, 60–75 minutes.
5. Transfer vegetable mixture to a large pot. Add peppercorns a shit ton of cracked black pepper and 4 quarts cold water. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer, uncovered and stirring occasionally, until broth is reduced by half, 60–75 more like 1-1.5 hours (maybe my burner is trash?).
6. Let broth cool, then strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a large bowl, pressing on solids to extract as much liquid as possible; discard solids.
7. In an appropriately sized pot, divvy out how much broth you’d like to eat right then; freeze the rest
8. Bring pot to a boil; add carrot slices. Reduce to a simmer, leave for 15 minutes.
9. Add bok choy; let simmer for 5 minutes
10. Serve with drizzle of sesame oil, chili pepper slices, and cilantro

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C A R R O T  G I N G E R  D R E S S I N G

Adapted from Saveur

Yields: approximately 2 cups

INGREDIENTS

• ½ cup vegetable oil
• 1⁄4 cup rice vinegar
• 1⁄8 cup soy sauce
• ½ tbsp. Sugar
• 1 teaspoon finely grated ginger
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and roughly chopped
• 1⁄4 medium yellow onion (about 6 oz.), roughly chopped
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

RECIPE PREPARATION

1. Combine oil, vinegar, soy sauce, sugar, ginger, carrots, and onion in a food processor, and process until smooth
2. Season with salt and pepper. Unused dressing will keep for up to two weeks in the refrigerator.